What does it mean to honor your father and mother?  In ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭20‬:‭12‬ (‭ESV)‬‬ we are told as one of the ten commandments to, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”

Hebrew Word for Honor

What does it mean to honor your father and mother? When I first began to look into this, I thought it was going to be simple. Look up the Hebrew word, find out what it means, and put together a lesson around that. Boy was I wrong! You see, the word for honor in this verse is Kabad. Kabad has a variety of meanings. It can mean honor like in this verse, but it can mean dull, heavy, and a myriad of other things. 

Next, I thought I should look up the first mention in the Bible of this word Kabad. To add to my frustration, here is what I found: “Now Abram was very rich in livestock, in silver, and in gold.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭13‬:‭2‬ ‭(‭ESV)‬‬‬‬ Take a guess at the word in this verse that is the Hebrew word Kabad. The word here is translated as rich. So I dug deeper. 

What is a Stem

I discovered that this word had six different stems connected to the word. To the best of my understanding a stem in Hebrew is like a notation that can change the function and meaning of a word. For example, the word honor, kabad, in Exodus has the stem piel. This stem makes the word change from an adjective like in the verse talking about Abram being rich to a verb saying we need to honor our parents. This means we are to take an active role in obeying this verse in Exodus. 

Then I dug a little more. What I found is that this stem of piel also has a variety of ways it is used in a sentence. Depending on the type of piel stem, the way it is used changes. In the word honor this type is called an infinitive absolute. This means the word honor is used as an adverb, not a verb. Well, that changes things once again. 

Used as a verb the sentence would say, “You honor your father and mother…”

Used as an adverb the sentence would say, “Treat your parents honorably..” 

Let’s now take a look at what the word kabad with the piel stem means in the Bible. According to the Blue Letter Bible the usage of this word and stem means: to make heavy, make dull, make insensible or to make honourable, honour, glorify

So the definition of “to make honorable” fits in this verse. We could say “If you want to live a long and prosperous life, treat your father and mother honorably.” 

What does it mean to treat your parents honorably? According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary honorable is defined as:deserving of respect or high regard : deserving of honor, or entitled to honor or respect —used as a title for the children of certain British noblemen and for various government officials (example calling a judge The Honorable Judge Smith) 

We are to respect and show honor to the position of our parents, much like we show honor and respect to the position of judge or president. We may not agree with every decision the judge or president makes, but we are still called to respect the position they have been given. This is something that is not earned by our parents. Showing them honor is something we do even if they have not earned it. 

What Happens When We Disagree

So what happens when we disagree with our parents? If you live long enough there will come a time when you begin to see the world differently than your parents. You may think you see a better way of doing something, or perhaps the Lord has shown you something that is different than the way your parents have been taught. What then? Do we speak up? Is it dishonoring to acknowledge your difference in theology or way of life with your mom and dad? 

The short answer is maybe. Let me explain. It’s all about your heart and motivation. Is your heart and motivation to respectfully explain your way of thinking to your parents, or are you determined to show your parents how wrong they are and how right you are? For example, when I was in my early 20s my mom started dating a man after being divorced from my dad. As far as I knew (and still know) my parents didn’t have a biblical reason for their divorce. Their divorce launched me into searching the Bible for information on marriage and divorce. I knew what the Bible says regarding divorcing outside of a biblical reason and remarrying. I couldn’t reconcile what I knew the Bible said with the choice my mom made to date this guy. It had nothing to do with the man. In fact he is a really good man. 

My reasoning for being against this relationship was solely based on what I knew the Bible said and what I knew regarding my parent’s divorce. What should I have done? Should I keep the revelation to myself or should I have spoken up and voiced my concern for this choice my mom took? After prayer and counsel I decided I needed to voice my concern to my mom. I honestly thought if she knew what the Bible said regarding this situation, she would at least pray about it and find out for herself what the Lord had to say regarding this relationship. 

So, I called her one day after work and told her how I felt and what the Bible said. My heart was for her good. My intention was for her to hear the truth and seek the Lord. I truly wanted her to obey the Word of God, because I wanted God’s very best for her in her life. 

In retrospect, I did the most honorable thing I could have done. I saw a pitfall in her life and her belief system, and I as respectfully as possible pointed it out to her. Her reaction and her actions afterward are between her and the Lord. It is honorable to point out areas in our parent’s lives where they may be heading in a dangerous or rebellious direction. 

Just remember when confronting our parents or anyone for that matter, to always be prayed up, be respectful, know that they may not agree with you, and be ok with that. Allow them to make their own mistakes. It isn’t up to us to make sure our parents make the right choices. Inasmuch as it isn’t up to our parents to make sure we make every right decision. Remember, sometimes love looks like allowing the other person to fail and make the wrong decision. 

Parents Remember This When Kids Confront You

As parents it can be jarring to be corrected by your kids. Remember you are the older person. You are responsible to be the example of how to take criticism. Recognize your kids have your best interest at heart. Allow your kids to have a voice, even if that voice differs from what you think. Love them unconditionally. Show it!

Gideon

As I was talking about this subject with Brett, he brought up the story of Gideon. Gideon has a conversation with the angel of the Lord, aka Jesus. We see this interaction in Judges‬ ‭6‬:‭25‬-‭32‬ (‭ESV)‬‬‬‬

“That night the Lord said to him, “Take your father’s bull, and the second bull seven years old, and pull down the altar of Baal that your father has, and cut down the Asherah that is beside it and build an altar to the Lord your God on the top of the stronghold here, with stones laid in due order. Then take the second bull and offer it as a burnt offering with the wood of the Asherah that you shall cut down.” So Gideon took ten men of his servants and did as the Lord had told him. But because he was too afraid of his family and the men of the town to do it by day, he did it by night. When the men of the town rose early in the morning, behold, the altar of Baal was broken down, and the Asherah beside it was cut down, and the second bull was offered on the altar that had been built. And they said to one another, “Who has done this thing?” And after they had searched and inquired, they said, “Gideon the son of Joash has done this thing.” Then the men of the town said to Joash, “Bring out your son, that he may die, for he has broken down the altar of Baal and cut down the Asherah beside it.” But Joash said to all who stood against him, “Will you contend for Baal? Or will you save him? Whoever contends for him shall be put to death by morning. If he is a god, let him contend for himself, because his altar has been broken down.” Therefore on that day Gideon was called Jerubbaal, that is to say, “Let Baal contend against him,” because he broke down his altar.”

God tells Gideon to tear down the altars set up for the demonic gods, Baal and Ashterah. In place of those altars, Gideon is told to set up an altar to Jehovah and sacrifice a bull on it. What is Gideon to do? Should he obey God? Gideon had a choice. He could fear God or fear man. 

We are told in Proverbs‬ 29‬:‭25‬ ‭(‭ESV)‬‬,‬‬ “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” If Gideon feared man more than he feared God, what would have happened? His nation would have been held in bondage for longer than the Lord intended. Thankfully Gideon chose to fear God more than he feared man, even his own father. What was the result? Freedom for his people and a change of belief for his father. 

We know his father had a change in belief system because he tells the other men in the town:

‭‭Judges‬ ‭6‬:‭31‬ ‭(‭ESV)‬‬‬‬, “But Joash said to all who stood against him, “Will you contend for Baal? Or will you save him? Whoever contends for him shall be put to death by morning. If he is a god, let him contend for himself, because his altar has been broken down.””

I pray I will react like Gideon’s father when my children come to me to tell me they have learned something from the Lord that I have not yet learned, even if that revelation is hard to hear. 

It’s a Weighty Matter

One of the definitions of kabad with the piel stem is: to make heavy. How on earth does this definition fit with the definition of honor? It seems like this word means opposites, or at the very least completely different meanings to the same word. As I was doing my research I learned this, “weight was often associated with value and importance. The concept of “kabed” reflects this cultural understanding, where something heavy or weighty was considered significant or honorable.” (Bible Hub) 

We are to honor the weighty position a mother and father are in as they raise us. I know, as a parent, it is very difficult at time to be in the position of mother. There have been times, and will be times when I need to make a decision regarding one of my kids, and I just don’t know what the right answer is. The job of a mother can feel very heavy and weighty at times. It’s not always easy to know how to react to any given situation you find yourself in as a parent. As such, we are to respect and honor the position of mother and father.  

Even as an adult we are told to honor our parents. This much is obvious. Does honor mean the same thing as submit? Next week we are going to take a look at the difference between submission and honor. I hope you will join me!