No matter who you are, you will come across people who are toxic. Toxic people tend to sneak into your life. At first things look good, but after a while you look around and notice that life has gotten messier. More time may pass and you find yourself in a huge mess. What happened? How did my beautiful life become such a mess, you may wonder.
Story of the Room
It’s like you spent so much time and energy cleaning and decorating a room. You stand back and think to yourself, it’s perfect! Then someone comes in and throws a wrapper in the corner. Later, they come in and track mud across the room. Pretty soon you walk into that room and there are holes in the wall, mold growing up a corner, water puddles on the floor, and there is a smell of something dead and rotting but you just can’t seem to find it. What happened? How did your perfectly clean and organized room turn into such a disgusting mess?
Someone came in and didn’t care about the work and effort you put into that room. They didn’t have anything invested into that room. In fact they hardly notice the mud, mold, and rotting animal. Why?
Because they may not know life without those things. They may have always lived with mold, mud, and dead things in their rooms. They only know how to live in squalor because they have never experienced anything different. It feels normal to them, even though you and most everyone else can plainly see the dangers of living with mold and dead animals.
People can Live in Emotional and Spiritual Squalor Too
What happens when we meet someone who maybe doesn’t live like this in the physical, but lives this way emotionally or spiritually? Just as there are people who know nothing but living in physical squalor, there are people who only know how to live in emotional or spiritual squalor.
These are people who have been abused physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. The feeling of safety in any of these areas is totally foreign. So they do the only thing they know to do. They start to sabotage the relationship with you.
Maybe you point out the dirt in the corner. Your hope is to help them and you even make that known to them. How do they react? They turn on you and make a huge mess in your relationship with them. They start to fight back verbally, physically, or spiritually. Maybe they start accusing you of falsehoods, or they turn their backs on you and give you the silent treatment until you come begging for forgiveness.
They use and manipulate and control you. Remember that this is called witchcraft. Anytime someone dominates, intimidates, or controls you, this is witchcraft. Let’s not be controlled by witchcraft.
Definition of a Toxic Person:
Let’s define what I mean when I use the label “toxic person.”
- Anyone who attempts to get you off the path God has set for you.
- Anyone who tries to convince you that you are not who God says you are.
- Anyone who tries to convince you that God’s purpose for your life is not true.
Timothy gives us a great definition of what a toxic person is:
“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (ESV)
Jesus’ Family
Everyone will come across a toxic person at some point in your life. The toxic person may be a friend, a leader, or even a family member. Jesus came across many toxic people in his life. Sadly, his own family became toxic at one point.
“And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, “He is out of his mind.”
And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.” Mark 3:21, 31-35 (ESV)
Remember what a toxic person is:
- Anyone who attempts to get you off the path God has set for you.
- Anyone who tries to convince you that you are not who God says you are.
- Anyone who tries to convince you that God’s purpose for your life is not true.
Jesus’ family thought he was crazy because he was living out his heavenly calling. He was living, working, and ministering out of his authentic identity, and they didn’t understand it.
As a result, they attempted to control him by coming up with a plan to go “rescue” him. Were they concerned he was becoming a danger to both himself and others? That is a high likelihood if you ask me. They didn’t believe that Jesus is who he said he is, and thus they were guilty of point number 2. Because they were trying to convince Jesus that he isn’t who he said he is, they were also attempting to take him off the path written for him in his heavenly scroll. And they were guilty of point number 3 because they were trying to stop him from doing the very thing he came to the earth to do. So, his family, in this moment, was guilty of all three criteria of being a toxic person.
How did Jesus react? He basically ignored them. He said, For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.” Mark 3:35 (ESV) He didn’t try to persuade them that he wasn’t crazy and a danger to society. Jesus simply just continued on with what the Father had planned for him. He remained steadfast in his authentic identity and calling.
This is what we are supposed to do when the people close to us start behaving like Jesus’ family did. We remain calm, and sure of the calling God has given us. We remind ourselves and others of who we are in Christ Jesus. There is no need to argue and fight. Just continue on the path God set before you, and eventually your family and close friends will come around. After all, Jesus’ family came around. We know that at least one of his brothers became a believer. He actually wrote a book of the Bible – James! So, if there was hope for the family of Jesus, there is also hope for your family to come around and support you in your heavenly calling.
Next week we are going to look at someone else who was close to Jesus, who became a toxic person in the life of Jesus. This person may not surprise you! I hope you will join me next week as we continue to look at how to deal with the toxic people in your life.
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