Ah, fatherhood. What a gift! What an emotional ride! Fathering is hard but rewarding. Being a dad has great benefits but also great responsibility. How are you doing in your father role? How would you rate yourself? If you could view yourself from your kids’ eyes, how would you look?

I’ve been blessed to be a father for 15 years, and my wife and I have 3 children. Several lessons I’ve learned: change poopy diapers as fast as possible; hour-long bike rides feel like an entire day to my son; teaching your kids how to cook has great dividends later on.

Did you know God has a lot to say about Fatherhood? Let’s take a look at a passage from Paul’s letter to the Church to a town called Ephesus.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger…”

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4, (ESV)

What does it mean to provoke your children to anger? It can be an intentional or an unintentional act that makes our kids angry or full of wrath. Sometimes we fathers know exactly what buttons to push when it comes to our kids, and it’s funny to us to aggravate our children. We, as fathers, must respect our kids’ “no,” and make sure we don’t cross the line.

Responsible for Anger

We also realize that we can carry responsibility for the anger of our children. Our kids respond to us. How we carry ourselves dictates how our children behave. Do your children get angry often? Do they stomp off in a rage? You may want to consider if your actions help promote that anger.

Fathers, our actions affect our families. As the spiritual leaders in our home, what we do, what we say, what we watch, what we study, what we participate in, affects our families in positive ways or negative ways.

Digging Deeper

But, it also goes much deeper than this too. The Greek word used “to provoke to anger” is only used twice in the New Testament. Besides Ephesians 6:4, the other verse the word is used in is Romans 10:19.

”But I ask, did Israel not understand? First Moses says, ‘I will make you jealous of those who are not a nation; with a foolish nation I will make you angry.’” Romans 10:19 (ESV)

But wait, this verse is quoting an Old Testament verse, Deuteronomy 32:21, which is part of a song that the Lord told Moses to teach the children of Israel before they entered the Promised Land. It’s basically a prophecy about how the Israelites would provoke the Lord to anger by their idolatry.

Idolatry involved the worshiping of other gods. One of the practices of idol worship included the sacrificing of their newborn children on burning hot arms of a stone statue of a god named Molech. Many other hideous acts, including sexual acts, were among the ways the pagans participated in the worship of demonic entities.

Where’s the Connection?

Here’s the connection: the word in the New Testament connects to the word in the Old Testament, which is primarily used of breaking the 1st and 2nd Commandments (Exodus 20:3-6). So, the term used, “to provoke to anger,” is connected to idolatry, the worship of false gods or the elevation of anything into God’s place.

Full Circle

So, coming full circle, we as fathers are not to provoke our children to anger by our idolatry.

What does that mean? Well, we men can easily get focused on something else besides our families. Whether it be football or politics or work or fishing or even “the ministry” – neglecting our families can provoke our children to anger, to disappointment, to disillusionment, and to irritation.

Let us ask the Lord, “Am I provoking my children to anger by any form of idolatry?” Lest you think yourself perfect, why not ask your wife this question too? Be gracious and listen; it might just make your life a whole lot better.

The Turning Point

Whenever we stop doing a thing, we must replace it with something else, or we’ll end up back where we started. What does the Word of God say? “Bring your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4b (ESV).

Instead of provoking our kids to anger, we bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

But what is true ‘discipline’? If you look up the Greek word, (in a great app like Blue Letter Bible), you’ll find these descriptions: “the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment). It also includes the training and care of the body. In adults it also cultivates the soul, especially by correcting mistakes and curbing passions.”

Our Responsibility

Fathers, we are meant to be involved in our kids’ education. We can support, help, encourage, and train our children, and guide them into their true Heavenly callings. Dads are meant to be involved in the training and care of our children’s bodies. We are responsible for the spiritual, emotional, and physical health of our kids. Are you taking responsibility? Or are you passing the buck off to your wife or to the mother of your children?

Now, if that question brings up guilt and shame in your life, you will know, without a doubt, that you need healing in this area. You are not meant to raise your kids in your own strength. The Lord has strengthened you as a Father with special gifts and abilities for your specific children that no other person in the world has. You have Dad super powers given by God!

Get Excited

Now there’s another Greek word that’s also translated into English “provoke to anger”. It’s found in Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

This word has a positive and negative meaning, and we’ve already explored the negative side. On the positive side, it means, “to stir up, excite, stimulate.”

We, as Dads, know how to do this. We know how to make our kids excited, and we love to see them get excited. And here’s a secret, Dads: get excited about what your kids are excited about. If your kids are excited for you to go swimming with them, then get excited about going swimming!

But it’s also much deeper: get your kids excited about spiritual things. It’s really hard to get excited about rote religion or something that you think is boring. What does this mean for us as fathers? In order to get our kids excited about God’s things, we must get ourselves excited about God’s things. We must stir up ourselves to love and good works. We must stimulate our own human spirits and cultivate the relationship with the Holy Spirit.

Jesus is Exciting

If I’m excited about my relationship with Jesus, then my kids will see it. They know. Our kids can tell when something is really genuine in us. They can tell when we’re really committed or when we’re just going through the motions. This is an upward call to godliness, to integrity, to the excitement of living the abundant life that Jesus promises. Let me tell you, religion holds us back from this. But true relationship with God Almighty is exciting and opens up a whole new world for us.

Fathers, ask Jesus if there’s any way that you’re provoking your kids to anger. Ask Him to stir you up as His Son, to get you excited about His things, so that you can turn around and do the same for your own children.

Prayer

Father God, we give You honor and glory today. Thank You for always being there with us and always being for us. Your judgments are for us and not against us. You have made us fathers, and we ask You to give us Your Father’s heart. We want to be men after Your own heart.

Lord, today we choose to forgive the hurts of the past caused by our fathers. We release them and choose grace and forgiveness, and we ask that you bless them. And we choose to forgive our grandfathers, and give you thanks for the good legacy left by them. We declare that the sins of our families and family lines are covered by the blood of Jesus, and we, as dads, cut off our families from any generational iniquity, in Jesus’ Name!

Heavenly Father, help us to encourage our children and not provoke them to anger. Show us if there’s anything out of place or out of balance. We repent, change our mindsets, and seek after You with whole hearts. Stir us up as Sons, and get us excited about Your things, so that we can turn around and do the same for our own children. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Dad, Do You Provoke Your Kids to Anger?